(Adult) Aptitude Test

Call your wife to berate her for not getting that roadside assistance program thingy.

Call AAA for assistance.

Pull over, pop the hood and troubleshoot.

You are doing Saturday afternoon yard work. Based on your appearance and performance, who do the neighbors think you are?

The conscientious middle-aged owner.

The hapless adult son who hasn’t moved out yet.

The well-intentioned new home owner.

Raid your children’s college savings accounts and enjoy floor seats atop a sensible pair of orthopedic Oxfords.

Pass on buying tickets. They’re too expensive and you can’t stand for more than two hours.

Buy the cheap seats and sit during the guitar solo.

Patiently use the laptop as a desktop computer while you search the Internet for possible solutions you can apply.

Swallow your pride and visit the local big box electronics store for a pricey but permanent solution.

Hurl the laptop across the room before calling your older brother to fix it.

Vote for the candidates based on your familiarity with their positions.

Ask your like-minded friends which candidates they’d recommend.

Vote for the candidate with the attractive wife.

Drink wine all night, and really enjoy it.

Bring your half-empty can of Coors Light to the table, along with an unopened backup.

Drink beer before dinner, but switch to the wine being served at the table.

The children in the neighborhood address you and your spouse by “Mr. and Mrs.,” using your last name. You think...

They have no idea I’m an adult fraud.

They are a tad too formal, but that’s OK.

They are appropriately respectful.

You’re at work and you’ve just found yourself in a phone conversation with an angry, hostile client. You...

Begin to apologize and then hang up while you’re talking. (Must be phone problems. Who would ever hang up on themselves?)

Take thoughtful notes so you can offer the most appropriate response as needed.

Unconditionally apologize and offer remedies to the problem.

I’m the proud parent of a growing family.

I suppose this is the responsible decision.

I’ve given up on my dreams.

Convince your wife to leave for the weekend so she doesn’t have to see the mess.

Cut yourself on purpose to garner sympathy for your efforts.

Assure your wife a speedy, clean and dependable repair.